I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
