I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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