you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
