She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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