Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
