i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
