You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
