adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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