If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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