It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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