I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
