I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
