Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
