I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
