Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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