i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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