What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
