The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
