similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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