I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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