I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
