Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
