Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
