It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
