we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
