How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
