I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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