my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
