i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize