Pants 0. Shit 1.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
