honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
