Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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