And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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