i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
