Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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