her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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