I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
