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we're chasing vodka with high fives
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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