Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
