Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
