I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
