My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
