WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize