Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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