ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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