I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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