He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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