you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
