I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
