im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
