my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
