We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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