I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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