Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
