I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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