You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
