stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize