I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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