I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
