there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
