If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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