i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize