come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
