Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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