i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
