Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
