He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
