Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
