I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
honey bunches of taint.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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